ACCEPTING MELANIE

The year is 2001 and I am in Grade 7, I wasnt very popular or well liked, because I was very feminine, because of this I was always picked on and bullied. I tried to act like a boy, I played with toys that did not intrigue me much and I had male friends, whom I did not have much in common with, besides the fact that all of us were outcasts.

Primary school for me had its ups and downs, but this particular year, meant so much to me and still does. 2001 started out quite normal for me, it was my final year on primary school, and things were changing, I was growing up and this scared me alot, because I did not want to become a "man". My parents was just so proud, so they kept on telling me over and over , I still gag if I think of the changes I went through.
Instead of becoming a man, I chose to become a girl, I chose to stop fighting myself and decided to embrace being different and I liked being myself. It was like something in me changed over night and I became Melanie, a beautiful girl, with long waist length locks, she was tall, fiesty and smart.

After accepting myself, things started getting better, I was still in the closet about my gender identity, but the tremedous strain of fighting myself was lifted and my school work improved.
This feeling didnt last long, as I did not only want to be her mentally, but physically as well.
 I remember watching an episode of Charmed, in this episode one of the witches, named Prue Halliwell was turned into a man by a demon, and as usual, good triumphed over evil, the sisters vanguished the demon and turned Prue back into a woman.
After watching the show, I immediately started saying a few spells, and brewed a few potions ( I was a very gullible 13 year old).

The year is 2002, and I finally started high school, I knew right on that it was going to be a very tough year. I was still practicing magic, up until one Sunday evening in June, when my brother outed me to my parents, on a letter he found, intended for my cousin, but never delivered, explaining my feeling of being a girl trapped in a boys body and that I was going to use magic to get what I want.
My father, who was the pastor of our church, decided it would be the right thing, to expose my letter to the church and have the elder and deacon pray for me. The act itself didnt upset me, because I knew it came from a sincere place, and they only wanted the best for me, what really angered me, was the fact that magic did not help me and nobody could see how much I needed to be Melanie. I stopped practising magic, but still continued watching Charmed and it is still my favourite show.